U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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