real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
