your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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