So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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