The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
