It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
