Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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