Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There's always time for handjobs
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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