I can't watch pbs sober anymore
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We left the knife in your bed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
