16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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