the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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