I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
