He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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