I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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