in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
