i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
