Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
