well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
