Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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