It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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