My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
