i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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