We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
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it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Your cock deserves a montage
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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