I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
