what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
