The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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