somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize