so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
