Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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