i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
