That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
