Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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