hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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