Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
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The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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