Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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