i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
