Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
