He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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