one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
