I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
