You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
