Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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