I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
