im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry about my life...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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