I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
