he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
