The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
