Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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