Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
FUCK WHALES
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
