Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Please, let me fuck your mom
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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