I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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