Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize