I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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