I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
3 2 1 whiskey
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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